Another time I let myself down, every time I do it was for varied reasons, some makes sense, some doesn’t. however I have to bear the pain. I was cursing initially crying the mid way and when ran out of tears started thinking. I sat on the sea shore nearby my house and looking at the horizon. I was lost in thoughts and really in deep reflection, who can make me really successful? Really . The hands under my chin moved towards the respective legs and I found few pebbles to my side. I opened my eyes and I saw something was obstructing my sight, something like a thin layer of Ice. I got the feel as if my answer is behind this obstruction. Not sure why I was feeling. I made all effort to penetrate my sight through it and no help.
When I tried to move to my side and peep through I noticed these pebbles. I took a pebble and through at it. It gave me a slight noise as if something broke. Well this did not clear the site. I started throwing these marbles at the ice, slowly I was seeing some shape behind it. Well I was assuming that it was the answer for my question, I got a little aggressive and started throwing vigorously. After a little time I got real frustrated with my state and with my effort to break the ice, I closed my eyes and shattered the stones at it.
While throwing at it, I was recollecting all the moments where I went low on confidence and felt need for a support to make me successful. I was dazed at the recollection of these moments and threw the stones more fatally. The same old question was floating through my mind, I gave a forceful throw and I couldn’t find another pebble next to me. At once I heard a big noise. I opened my eyes there was a bright aura in front of me. It was difficult to see, but I was making a constant effort. When I made myself ready to see it, the aura became a little dull, it flashed a face in front of me and it vanished. I observed the flash closely, and I was comprehending the features and the face. To my surprise it was my own sketch over there.
I could not really get the meaning of it. I was trying to understand how can I help myself? With a profound thought I realized I need to break the ice between me and myself. To empower me with my own confidence. Once I made this statement for myself, I understood why the aura flashed my face to me. It was trying to tell me I am the one who will decide my destiny where to go and where not to go. What to choose and what not to choose. To succeed or not to succeed.A definite lesson learnt to make the indefinite work my way.
I shouted in fulfillment and shook my body. I found myself lying on the beach, in front of me was the beautiful horizon. I learnt the lesson and left the message, “Thank you Ice breaker” for the horizon.
Sunday, 30 August 2009
Thursday, 30 July 2009
The Life Line
I get to see my dad far and few between. He keeps on travelling. That night I was sleeping, I know he was going to be home late in the night. I was thinking of the promise he made when he left for the last tour. I love walking on a railway track nearby my house and I keep on betting with my friends who can walk long and who can walk fast.
Last time my dad left he did not tell me. I was asleep when he made the move. I was dreaming that my dad was holding my hand to make walk along the track. I was smiling with my cheeks going read and all care of mine on my feet and watching which step lands where. I was able to move quick on the track and shouted dad “Look at this”.. with this shout I woke up by my own voice. I found my mom rushing towards me…
I thought, this time I am not going to let me dream this. I know he is going to be back home and I will make sure he fulfills his promise. I slept holding light blue pillow tight, which is my dad’s favorite one.
I got up before the dawn and rushed to his room to wake him up. I asked in hasty, dad let’s go. Dad told me I am tired, I can’t come out for the walk now. I requested him, and told him “Dad whatever you have to do, I will do it for you, but please come for the walk today. I am all eager for this.” with my lovable force he had to get up and we started for the walk.
While we were few yards away from the track, I asked, “How can I walk fast and still steadily on a railway track?”, dad said with a smile “Always watch your step carefully”. I told him with sheer innocence “Dad, every time I look at my foot while walking here I fell down, how can I watch?”, dad was laughing. I was silent, he said, “you need not necessarily see if you need to watch.” I gave him a confused expression. He understood that and said, fine “I will make you have blind folded walk today”, I screamed “No dad no, I am scared with the very thought.” Dad replied “I am at your side, I’ll guide you along, take the support of my hands.” I could see my dream come true, indeed I was really happy and I thought to myself that I will do this blind folded walk at any cost.
We reached the track, and my dad made me stand on the track and asked me to close my eyes. I did. He asked me to stretch my hands for balance and he supported them with this hands standing at my back. It was little chilly out there and I was able to feel the warmth of dad’s hands. I asked dad “Dad what if I fall down ?” dad replied “I know you won’t”. Though that was a childish question the answer my dad gave rose my confidence. Dad said “let’s walk”.
Initially I had little hiccups tilting to right and sometimes to my left. Dad supported me with his hands and was telling me how to walk properly. Meanwhile I said, “Dad I think we need to go a long way”, he smiled. I was talking to him and he was responding sporadically. At times the answer was a pat and sometimes a smile. I got used to it in few minutes. After certain time I was confident walking over the track, probably the warmth of my dad’s hands was what making me feel it. After some time I said, dad shall I open my eyes, there was no response, I asked again still no response. I shouted dad “dad, shall I open my eyes?”, still there was no response. I shouted and shouted and voice went invalid. He was not responding. I was worried and started, crying and shouting. Suddenly I felt left alone, I was left out and with intensely disturbed thought I had to open my eyes and turn back. Thinking of my dad I opened my eyes.
I was on the bed, still able to feel the warmth of my dad’s hands. opposite to me was the photograph my dad and me on the track me walking on the track line, The Life Line.
Last time my dad left he did not tell me. I was asleep when he made the move. I was dreaming that my dad was holding my hand to make walk along the track. I was smiling with my cheeks going read and all care of mine on my feet and watching which step lands where. I was able to move quick on the track and shouted dad “Look at this”.. with this shout I woke up by my own voice. I found my mom rushing towards me…
I thought, this time I am not going to let me dream this. I know he is going to be back home and I will make sure he fulfills his promise. I slept holding light blue pillow tight, which is my dad’s favorite one.
I got up before the dawn and rushed to his room to wake him up. I asked in hasty, dad let’s go. Dad told me I am tired, I can’t come out for the walk now. I requested him, and told him “Dad whatever you have to do, I will do it for you, but please come for the walk today. I am all eager for this.” with my lovable force he had to get up and we started for the walk.
While we were few yards away from the track, I asked, “How can I walk fast and still steadily on a railway track?”, dad said with a smile “Always watch your step carefully”. I told him with sheer innocence “Dad, every time I look at my foot while walking here I fell down, how can I watch?”, dad was laughing. I was silent, he said, “you need not necessarily see if you need to watch.” I gave him a confused expression. He understood that and said, fine “I will make you have blind folded walk today”, I screamed “No dad no, I am scared with the very thought.” Dad replied “I am at your side, I’ll guide you along, take the support of my hands.” I could see my dream come true, indeed I was really happy and I thought to myself that I will do this blind folded walk at any cost.
We reached the track, and my dad made me stand on the track and asked me to close my eyes. I did. He asked me to stretch my hands for balance and he supported them with this hands standing at my back. It was little chilly out there and I was able to feel the warmth of dad’s hands. I asked dad “Dad what if I fall down ?” dad replied “I know you won’t”. Though that was a childish question the answer my dad gave rose my confidence. Dad said “let’s walk”.
Initially I had little hiccups tilting to right and sometimes to my left. Dad supported me with his hands and was telling me how to walk properly. Meanwhile I said, “Dad I think we need to go a long way”, he smiled. I was talking to him and he was responding sporadically. At times the answer was a pat and sometimes a smile. I got used to it in few minutes. After certain time I was confident walking over the track, probably the warmth of my dad’s hands was what making me feel it. After some time I said, dad shall I open my eyes, there was no response, I asked again still no response. I shouted dad “dad, shall I open my eyes?”, still there was no response. I shouted and shouted and voice went invalid. He was not responding. I was worried and started, crying and shouting. Suddenly I felt left alone, I was left out and with intensely disturbed thought I had to open my eyes and turn back. Thinking of my dad I opened my eyes.
I was on the bed, still able to feel the warmth of my dad’s hands. opposite to me was the photograph my dad and me on the track me walking on the track line, The Life Line.
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