I believe in instincts. I trust the words said to me by myself about things happening. In this term of living life almost all the times the words said have been true.
That evening was no different.
I got up in the morning and was making my mind ready to accept what all the sun light shows me today. I was eager to go to sleep again, I think I was tired. I went along with the regular activities, after sometime I realized I was not totally in. I was preoccupied. I sat for a while and observed my thoughts. This time the instinct spoke hard. I was being told "Today is your last day". I was quite disturbed with those words and was skeptical about them. as the clock rolled for a while, I had to believe in it as the instinct was growing strong.
I said my mom, I will be back in a while and I walked out of the house. I was recollecting all the moments in my life which I don't want to forget permanently after today.
I was walking in deep thoughts and took lot of time for myself. I sat under the tree thinking about the times I am going to miss. I had long walk alone on the bank of river, thinking of people I am going to lose.
Amidst of this, there was a interesting thought, being knowing that today is my last day, why I am sad? I made up my mind and started recollecting the precious moments of my life and wondering where will I go this night, after I breath my last.
Soon I was a kid at heart. I was running on the wall along my house compound wall looking at sky. I was tired enough and was back home. My mom was waiting for me. I gave her a deep hug and moved towards my bed.
With eyes looking at the roof I had different people, thoughts and memories moving on the roof. It increased the weight and I closed my eyes, perhaps for the last time...
I remember few inhales and exhales after my eye lids rested that evening. The last that went out made my body cool. I know I was done for life. I (My soul) was out and staring at the body lying on the bed.
I was able to feel all this and I looked at myself. I was still having a formation similar to my body but had my feet very close to each other. I was wondering what will happen next. I happened to see an entrance in front of me with nil light along its way. The moment I entered that, I flew with tremendous speed. I thought I will die, how stupid.
After doing that journey for a while I made myself in front of dark brown gate, which was inscribed in some ancient literature, while I was trying to understand what's that, the door opened and a force dragged me furiously. literally I flew and fell on the bank of a river.
I was clueless of what's happening. I heard a voice asking me to get on to a plank nearby, and involuntarily I did that. The plank started moving by itself across the river. while I was in the middle, I saw a old man fighting with water currents. I thought, I wish I could help him. Surprisingly the plank moved towards him, I dragged him on to the plank. He went unconscious once he got on to the plank. To my surprise the plank was not able to bear the weight and was developing cracks. without any other thought I jumped into water. The next second I found myself on the other bank of the river, no sight of the plank nor the Old man.
The voice that directed me previously sounded again. walk towards your left and you will see a golden hall. walk up the stairs and you have a mirror chamber. Be seated there.
I shouted who are you, where are you taking me ? The response was a smile and nothing else. I did follow the steps, not sure exactly why and got seated in the mirror chamber. It was round table I was sitting in front of, and there was another chair empty as if waiting for someone. Well with all the doubts, I was trying to recollect what all happened to me in this journey.
Suddenly I found the Mirrors coming closer to me and a white dressed human shape walking towards me. at first I observed it is walking exactly like me. As it approached near, the mirror movement stopped. as the body was coming nearer I was feeling very calm and peaceful. I was sensing my mind getting relaxed. It sat in front of me and even then I could not look at it clearly. the shape was very vague.
In curiousness I asked who are you, I could hear a smile. when I was about to ask the same question again, I heard an answer, don't you know that I am the one whom you are supposed to meet when you become free from your body... I felt the question as complicated, and I just thought for a while, and yes this time it struck, it was the almighty.
He said, Yes I am, I was shocked, how come he understood what I thought ;-). Next moment I laughed at myself, saying he is almighty.
He asked me about my journey and all. when I was answering he took a bunch of papers and was arranging them. I was curious and asked, "What are these papers ?"
With a smile he replied "Your Commitments for Life"...I was surprised, and said I never made them, he replied, "I did them for you, like I do for everyone". I was surprised and asked, you never told me about them then, he replied "knowing your commitments is one of the commitments in your life."
I said "Oh my god!" and he said "Yes". Can I have a look at them, I requested him. he said sure, I took the papers into my hand and was shell shocked. Each moment of my life was clearly tracked to a great level of detail. The smallest to smallest things I did like, footing a stone on the road while walking, to the major things like liking someone.
In exclamation I said, this level of detail and the answer was again a smile. He asked me can we start ? I could not follow and I said "I am sorry, what?". God replied "My dear, let's start the review; we will talk about your accomplishments first".
He started commenting about the way I took care of my character, my responsibilities, my mom..I was feeling very happy. soon he is done with this list and started the mistakes in my life.
He asked me “Why you did not help one of your friend when he was in need, and you were in a position to help.” I replied I could not trust his necessity. He replied, because of that your friend lost a great future. Hearing to that, I felt bad and in a way guilty too. he narrated similar instances all along and was asking me reasons for my behavior. I was honest at giving answers to him.
As I started being pure the face of God was getting clearer. I could see the hair style and the way he nods his head. Again I was comparing to me.
We continued the discussion, and he asked me about a relation I broke. I replied him saying I felt that was the right thing to do, as I was making the other person uncomfortable with my behavior. God questioned why didn't you think of changing your attitude then, I said, I did not want to as it is not worth.
God replied "Not worth!! If you changed at that time perhaps that was the best life you could have had". I did not feel bad but conveyed that, I was happy with the way my life went till now and no complains.
I saw a different sigh in the way he accepted this answer, I felt he was convinced.
The face was getting more clearer, I could see his hands and fingers very clearly. I think he was trying to imitate me with the hand actions. I found them very similar.
In the same way we talked about various other situations and in the flow we came to the old man I saw some time ago.
god asked me why did you jump into water, I replied I know the value of life and I was sure I can save myself.
God laughed and told me you already left your body, what will you save now..I had no words, he gave a smile to that.
I was seeing his face and I thought he was trying to play around with me, his face was resembling me. being almighty he can do anything.
He said, I am done with all the things I need to ask you and am happy with your explanation. If you have any questions we will talk else, your next life will get started eventually.
I said, "I have one question, since you made the list of things I need to do in my life, I am evaluated against those. but no one writes commitments for you. why do you do all this, whom you have to answer ? whom are you accountable to ?"
I was very pure in asking this question, reason being if I live with god as a belief in mind what makes god be like that.
I think god observed this purity and gave a soothing smile. He said "I am accountable to myself".
Thoughts revamped. I was moved to core. I just thought how better my life could have been if I am accountable to myself. I felt I could have really made most of my life in this way. I could feel the purity in my senses and actions. While I am in this thoughts, he got up and started walking back. The mirrors were about to move back and I peeped on to my side.
I wanted to see god's face, when I saw that I was shocked! It was mine...
Soon he disappeared and there was a sudden flash of light and everything disappeared. Since it was sudden light, my eyes wore tears and I opened my eyes...
I was on the bed....got up with deep astonishment. I was amazed at this experience and I touched my eyes casually... They were wet!!!
