Tuesday, 30 April 2013

I will be Myself.... My Self

Was on a journey since moon was half clipped and he is almost full now. Lot I have seen, and all of them passed by. Many did disturb but managed to get along.

To recall a few, in fact the very first encounter in my journey, the farmer across the woods. He asked me to work in his farm for that night and will pay me high. He told me that he got a message from the neighbouring village that bears are attacking the farms and he wanted to help to tighten the fence and put fire pits around the farm. The landscape was big and I could see hardly anyone out there. Confused I asked him, why are you not telling your co-farmers? he said that's none of your business. I was shocked, how can someone be so mean, when i thought this i laughed at myself, as the same experience of meanness from my previous life is making me run this hard. While I was about to get started, he said "If someone asks you what you are doing here, don't say about the bear attack." I said, I can't do it, he said "You have to". I said I can't kill my honesty... he was unhappy with my response and I broke the work and resumed my journey. I still ponder over that one single statement he made, making fun of me.... "If you want to live happily you cannot be honest."

I already had enough and this farmer poured in some more... I really can't take it... The next stop was at a warfare house, getting ready for an attack on their enemies. The house was more than happy to welcome as they were looking for someone who is new to that place and who needs to carry out a secret operation. They wanted to kill their enemies by poisoning the water in the enemy camp. I shouted, you guys are gone mad, "How can you do this to them? This is not the way you fight, be brave, face them head on and win." Though the situation was different, the laughter was same as that of the farmer. I was ill treated and taunted extremely and I really had to urge myself to start my running again. This time the one liner was "being truthful and righteous works only in books and texts, not in life"

Numerous I can narrate, and was exhausted. What I learnt about how to live life is exactly opposite to the way people are living and I am unable to make a living midst this. If this is the only way one can live in this world, why was my early life teaching something else. Is it evil to think good ? Is it wrong to be right.... why is that i am going through all of this.... I was let down by my principles and was pulled down for my thoughts, I barely know what success is...

and I am at my final destination now. If this is not going to solve the problem my journey has to end here...

It is the same place where I learnt everything. I sat down talking to "Him" about all of this.... I was weeping throughout and venting what all I have gone through. "He" listened to everything and said, why are you crying, I am happy that you did not change despite of all of these situations, you still want to be you. This is enough to feel worthwhile in your life. I was confused. "He" continued you are what you make out of your self and prior to that you need to have a journey to know your "self", and that is what this journey was. To realize what you  are.

I said, the farmer seems to be more happy than me, I feel i don't know what I need to do to be successful. "He" smiled and said, success is not owning a farm or winning a war, it is in knowing what you are, and how you need to be. This is a journey of journeys and one day the farmer also will do this journey.

I said, it is very tough to be yourself at times, "He" it is bound to be tough and will get tougher as you progress in life. but just keep in mind the tougher the test the greater the reward. The reward of proximity to your self. you will get close to yourself as you get along this tour..

I was calming down, "He" said take a nap and get going, things will be alright.... that instilled some confidence and as I dropped my eye lids... I sketched a resolution for this journey, "I will be Myself, My Self!!"

Friday, 30 September 2011

Swami, I wanna grow honest

I have seen a love that is mesmerizing.

I have seen love that is completely unconditional.

I have seen love that is really really pure.

Pure to the extent that tears roll down the moment i see your eyes.

I wanna get close to you.. i wanna get there.. I wanna get rid of the wax that is in me in getting close to you...

I will put my every effort to be there.. every thought to direct me there... everything in blood water to take me there...

Swami i wanna be there with you.. I wanna be honest to the core.. and i wanna grow honest...

Monday, 29 August 2011

Please Take Me Close To You

I happened to see someone who enabled my vision to see what I am. I was down with severe intensified stinking colors of thoughts in my mind.

When i saw him i felt like brushing them off from my head. In that process i realized I am zero, i just cannot do anything rather anyone cannot do anything. It's his will and consent.

I sat in front of him, with hands folded clutching the fingers of both my hands supporting my chin on the palm, I cried and cried.

Swami, get me away from this. I know i cannot do anything, only you can... I wanna be with you, feel the feeling of connectivity. I really wanna see what love is, Please Swami, Please... Take me Close To You